The following is an approximation of a church planter I know very well, and how he tends to process his own leadership of a meeting after the door has closed, the lights remain on, and he’s all alone.
[Closing of the door after last person leaves]
So, how do you think it went?
Eh, it was ok.
They’re probably talking about the meeting right now… on their way home…
What do you think they’re saying?
Thought so. I wish I were a better leader. If I was only like , then people would really be happy with how things are going. But… he’s got weird hair… and a swagger. But he’s definitely cool. Cool would win people.
What do you think people will do?
I don’t know… probably leave, I guess.
Probably. What’ll you do if people leave?
If they leave, it’s ultimately not about me…
Yea, that’s easy to say… but you’re “the guy”. You’re the one that this entire “church plant” gets judged by… What do you think thought of the meeting tonight?
They didn’t say much… probably hated it.
If leaves, we’ll be down to (# of people). How will the plant survive? Do you think the plant will survive?
What do you think I lose sleep over? Why do you think my neck’s always tight?… If they leave, our budget will go down ($X)….
Gosh… If # leave, and we’re down $$, I’ll have to work at UPS again, the secret level of church plant funding…
What will that say about your ability to provide for your family, when everybody leaves, and your family is left starving because you couldn’t pull it through, to lead strong enough, make better decisions, make faster, more creative calls?
Aren’t you supposed to exemplify leading your home and providing for your family to God’s people? If this church plant fails, what does that say about your calling?…
I know…Why do I have to be such a lousy leader?
Why were you so bad tonight? What can be done better next time?
Ask better questions? Give more time to preparing? Ha! “More time.” What is this “more time” you speak of? …I wish I were more creative… more engaging…
…Do you think the plant will survive?
Sigh… I think so, but not on my battery. Michelle says these sort of thoughts are all about me… That I’m not thinking about God’s view on this.
But you’re the guy…
Maybe, but it’s just a role… and here at the end of the day, I’m just a Christian…I really think Jesus had some brilliant things to say in the Sermon on the Mount. He hit it with that “consider the lilies” bit.
“your heavenly Father knows”…
Do you really believe that? Seems like somebody who believes that doesn’t struggle or fail like you…
Do ponder my Father’s knowing very much?… Clearly not.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”
…. Do you really think you’re doing that?
I think so. We left everything to do this… Affirmed by many, commissioned by the church. The process certainly hasn’t been easy and there have been lots of times to jump ship. So I don’t think I’m here for me. I’m doing this for Jesus.
What’s that bit from the Heidelberg?…
Q. What do you believe when you say,
“I believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth”?
That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who out of nothing created heaven and earth
and everything in them,
who still upholds and rules them
by his eternal counsel and providence,
is my God and Father
because of Christ the Son.
I trust God so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,
and will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends upon me
in this sad world.
God is able to do this because he is almighty God
and desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.
Able and desiring…
Don’t you think your Father is disappointed in the meeting?…
Maybe with my leadership – I can’t make that call – but not with his Son, nor with his precious people.
Are you one of those precious lambs?
On most days…
No, my Father loves me because of Jesus. That’s enough.
He’s able and willing.
What’ll I do next?
Well, I should probably pray… then whisky.